It has been over two months since our wedding. I haven’t really written anything since high school because I am
too lazy to write. But the reason I am writing this is because it is just too
special to be forgotten.
I came to the US in 2011 and this January I visited India for the first time in 4 years. Yeah,
you read that right. Most of my relatives were angry that I never gave them a
call, but almost all of them were extremely happy to finally see me. With my
mom filling me in everyday about everyone, I hardly had a chance to miss
anyone. Well, I missed the food. I know you must be thinking how insensitive I
am, but hey, atleast I didn't go empty handed. I brought home a groom! J
Our trip to India was a tight one since we had our engagement, mehendi, haldi, wedding and reception all lined up over a span of two weeks. Usually every girl needs a few months of planning and then atleast a month or two for the actual shopping. I reached India three days before my engagement and I managed just fine. Before going to India, I spent hours on the internet looking for gorgeous lehengas and saris, giving tips to my mom and MIL on what to get for me. When my mom and MIL finally sent me pictures of the saris and lehengas they had bought for me, I was sad for weeks after that. After going to India I was surprised that my clothes didn't bother me at all. I guess I was so in love with everything happening around me that I didn't really care for the clothes or how I looked. It is funny how perspective of what is important can change in such a short span. J
Feb 10, 2015: I woke up super excited. I hadn't seen Charan since our engagement and I was dying to meet him.
Every time I see him, I get all happy and jumpy. I am like a dog, only missing a tail. I called Charan to find out how he was doing. I reached the wedding venue by 5 PM. The venue looked beautiful. I got dressed for the wedding reception and Harsha reached before Charan did. So I let him click a few solo pictures before I lost the chance.
And then a flying birdie told me
the groom had finally arrived. Well, the flying birdie was the groom himself
and I couldn't wait to see him.
We were then given two balls of flowers and asked to play catches with it. I got into my competitive mode and started throwing the balls in places I thought he couldn't reach. He caught every single ball I threw and he made me run the entire court to catch each ball. I was jumping to my left and then to my right in that attire with all the jewelry. It must have been quite a sight. I just wanted to do well in my catching test which I totally flunked. :D
We were told it was not over yet.
That meant I still had chance for revenge. This time we were given bigger
weapons than flower balls. The garlands were our swords. We had to take a step
each till we reached close enough and the first one to put the garland in the
other person’s neck won. The families took positions and the game began. I
tried and missed, he tried and missed. I didn't want to keep trying. I was
there to win. My brothers decided to lift me up and
that was a really good strategy to reach Charan since I am short. I pounced on
him and pushed the garland down his neck. I won! It kept me ecstatic for the
remainder of the evening. Revenge is indeed sweet. J
The games set the mood for the event. It broke the ice, everyone was laughing and smiling. We took our seat at the mandap and guests came up and gave their blessings and gifts. Meanwhile off the stage, the ladies socialized, pretty girls posed for the cameras while the men got bored.
It was an endless sea of guests
and I was very hungry quite soon. If you are surprised that I was thinking of
food at my own wedding, then we know you are not my friend yet. Apparently the
bride and groom were not supposed to eat after midnight. It was 11:10 PM when
we were finally given the green signal to go eat. But then we were stopped by Harsha and the crew who thought pictures were important than food. So we let
them do what they do best until they got exhausted clicking possibly the worst
posers they have ever encountered. We kept bursting into laughter every time Harsha asked us to do anything remotely romantic. He had to show me how to
blush, how to pose like a girl and even with all the help I was totally
hopeless. So we ditched what we were bad at and ran to do something we were
good at. Oh yeah, the food was good!!
Feb 11, 2015: It was past midnight and I was full and happy. I threw away all my jewelry and decided to take a nap. I was woken up pretty soon and I was awfully cranky. But I had to choose between sleeping and getting married.
Ganesh and Gauri pooja
By the time I was dressed again and ready for my Gauri pooja, my mom kept pointing at Charan who was already sitting at the mandap doing the Ganesh pooja. Lord Ganesh is worshipped at the start of a wedding ceremony as he is widely revered as the god of beginnings and a remover of obstacles. The bride and groom are not supposed to look at each other again till the muhurtam. My mom was behaving like an excited teenager asking me to steal a peek at him. And I was being the responsible one asking her to stop. The role reversal was cute though.
Feb 11, 2015: It was past midnight and I was full and happy. I threw away all my jewelry and decided to take a nap. I was woken up pretty soon and I was awfully cranky. But I had to choose between sleeping and getting married.
Ganesh and Gauri pooja
By the time I was dressed again and ready for my Gauri pooja, my mom kept pointing at Charan who was already sitting at the mandap doing the Ganesh pooja. Lord Ganesh is worshipped at the start of a wedding ceremony as he is widely revered as the god of beginnings and a remover of obstacles. The bride and groom are not supposed to look at each other again till the muhurtam. My mom was behaving like an excited teenager asking me to steal a peek at him. And I was being the responsible one asking her to stop. The role reversal was cute though.
Kanyadaan
This ritual was performed by my parents where after washing the groom’s feet, they offer their daughter’s hand to the groom. The groom promises to love, respect and protect his bride for life.
Bride's entry
By the time I finished my Gauri pooja, I
was told that Charan was already in his wedding attire. I was accompanied by my maternal uncles and aunts to the mandap. My aunts were making
jokes asking me to steal a peek, but I controlled myself again. I must have a
heart of steel. :D
I sat behind the white cloth with
my parents on my side and Charan on the other side of the cloth. My
heart was beating so fast. I was going to be married in the next few minutes.
Though we couldn’t see each other, we were still talking to each other. It was
like being on the phone, but better.
Jeelakarra-bellamu/The moment
We were then given the cumin-jaggery paste in our hands and asked to place it on the other’s head at exactly 4:14 AM. The minute you do that, the curtain is lifted and you are officially married. This ritual denotes that the just wedded couple should stick together through thick and thin just like the sticky cumin-jaggery paste. And so we were married! I can’t explain the feeling. My sleepiness vanished into thin air and I was smiling like an idiot. I was so uncontrollably happy that I was talking and laughing and smiling; all at the same time. I don’t know if it was the shehnai and the hymns or seeing Charan when the curtain was lifted or the realization that I just got married to the person I loved; it was perfect. Well, beyond perfect! This was a different level of happiness. There is happiness and then there is ecstasy. I think this was my ecstasy.
We were then given the cumin-jaggery paste in our hands and asked to place it on the other’s head at exactly 4:14 AM. The minute you do that, the curtain is lifted and you are officially married. This ritual denotes that the just wedded couple should stick together through thick and thin just like the sticky cumin-jaggery paste. And so we were married! I can’t explain the feeling. My sleepiness vanished into thin air and I was smiling like an idiot. I was so uncontrollably happy that I was talking and laughing and smiling; all at the same time. I don’t know if it was the shehnai and the hymns or seeing Charan when the curtain was lifted or the realization that I just got married to the person I loved; it was perfect. Well, beyond perfect! This was a different level of happiness. There is happiness and then there is ecstasy. I think this was my ecstasy.
I am the kind of person who laughed when someone told that their wedding day was the best day of their lives. And now I was sitting there thinking how it was the best day of my life. I am the kind of person who thought of wedding as just an event to make your love official. You don’t start loving the person more just because it is official.And now I was sitting there doing every ritual with utmost sincerity because a wedding was not "just an event" anymore. I am the kind of person who thought people who believed that a single moment could be so important were stupid. And now I had joined the wagon of stupidity. I now understand why weddings are such a big deal in every girl’s life.
The muhurat now felt perfect
because it was just family and relatives who truly mattered that stayed behind
to bless us. Charan decided to rest his heavy hand on me sinking me further to
the ground. We had to keep our hands on
each other’s head for a good twenty minutes while the guests came up and
blessed us.
Mangalsutra Dharana
I then got changed into my white pattu sari for the Mangalsutra dharana.The mangalsutra represents the physical, mental and spiritual union of the couple. In an Andhra wedding, the groom ties three knots of mangalsutra around the bride's neck. The atmosphere was heavy with the priests reciting the vedic hymns and the shehnai in the background. As Charan finished tying the three knots, the priest gave him other instructions. And then he kissed me on the forehead out of nowhere. I couldn't help but blush at the bold gesture. But no one saw what was coming next. The priest continued with his instructions and said “touch the feet”. And Charan touched my feet. The atmosphere was light again. :D
I then got changed into my white pattu sari for the Mangalsutra dharana.The mangalsutra represents the physical, mental and spiritual union of the couple. In an Andhra wedding, the groom ties three knots of mangalsutra around the bride's neck. The atmosphere was heavy with the priests reciting the vedic hymns and the shehnai in the background. As Charan finished tying the three knots, the priest gave him other instructions. And then he kissed me on the forehead out of nowhere. I couldn't help but blush at the bold gesture. But no one saw what was coming next. The priest continued with his instructions and said “touch the feet”. And Charan touched my feet. The atmosphere was light again. :D
Everyone burst into laughter and
tears were rolling down my cheeks. The
instruction was meant for me, but Charan was in a panic mode after kissing me
in front of the crowd and he followed what he heard. It was so cute. I laughed
for a good twenty minutes till my stomach hurt. He might have created history
that moment by becoming the first Andhra groom to touch a bride’s feet. I am so
proud of him. I still crack up thinking of this incident every time I need a
laugh. J
And the fun continued with the thalambraalu. In this ritual, the bride and the groom pour turmeric colored rice on each other’s head. It started out slow and soon went wild. Charan’s cousins kept pulling him away. So I started throwing the thalambraalu at him hoping atleast some of it would reach him. Charan was superfast. It was like the rabbit and tortoise race. Only here, the rabbit never stopped for a break. :D
The ring game
It was then time for the ring game. In this game, a gold ring and a silver toe ring are put into a pot. Whoever picks the gold ring from the pot wins the round. They do this three times and whoever wins more is supposed to be the dominant one in the marriage. Charan killed the three rounds. Even if I got hold of the gold ring in the pot, it was Charan who took it out of the pot. He would open my fist and pull the ring out of my hand before I could pull out my hand. He even pinched me at one point. There was all sorts of cheating involved from his end. All I could collect in each round were a couple of broken bangles or the toe ring. I had a huge blood clot on my hand by the end of the game. But watching him win was so much fun! J
It was then time for the ring game. In this game, a gold ring and a silver toe ring are put into a pot. Whoever picks the gold ring from the pot wins the round. They do this three times and whoever wins more is supposed to be the dominant one in the marriage. Charan killed the three rounds. Even if I got hold of the gold ring in the pot, it was Charan who took it out of the pot. He would open my fist and pull the ring out of my hand before I could pull out my hand. He even pinched me at one point. There was all sorts of cheating involved from his end. All I could collect in each round were a couple of broken bangles or the toe ring. I had a huge blood clot on my hand by the end of the game. But watching him win was so much fun! J
I
then played with his sisters. I used to the same tricks Charan had used with me.
It was like a cat fight inside the vessel. Watching me win was equally fun too!
J
Arundhati darshan
We were then taken out for the famous Arundhati nakshatra viewing around 6 AM. It was no longer dark and there were no stars in the sky. But it was fun acting like we were trying to look for it. :D
We were then taken out for the famous Arundhati nakshatra viewing around 6 AM. It was no longer dark and there were no stars in the sky. But it was fun acting like we were trying to look for it. :D
Appagintalu/Vidai
The only thing left to complete the wedding rituals was the appagintalu. Appagintalu is the official giving away of the bride by her parents to the groom and his family. This is usually a very emotional affair. We asked the priest to keep it simple since we didn't want to finish the ceremony on a bitter-sweet note. My dad was made to repeat:
asthavarsha bhavet kanya putravatpalitha maya
idaneem tava daasyami datta snehena palaya
It means "This kanya has been brought up by me as a son. Now I am giving her away to you. Protect her and treat her with friendliness." My father dipped my palms in milk and then placed them in the hands of my in-laws, thus transferring the responsibility of treating me with love and affection to Charan and his family. I could see my parents controlling their tears. My sister and I have always been our dad’s little girls. Everyone says he has pampered us way too much. He is our rock. And I don’t even want to begin about my mom who says stuff like “I wake up craving to talk to you and I go to bed thinking about you”. She is my drama queen. I can understand why this was difficult for them.
I wasn't emotional because I knew this didn't change anything for me. I may no longer officially be their daughter, but they would always remain my parents.
P.S: Nothing much has changed since our wedding. Though I keep teasing my mom that I am no longer her daughter and she shouldn't disturb me too much, she still calls me atleast twice a day and worries annoyingly about me. Charan and I still have the best time together. Only now, I also talk to my in-laws daily since I have grown really fond of them. My wedding day was like a beautiful dream; a dream I don’t wish to forget for many years to come. I hope my marriage continues the same way. So far so good! J
P.S: Nothing much has changed since our wedding. Though I keep teasing my mom that I am no longer her daughter and she shouldn't disturb me too much, she still calls me atleast twice a day and worries annoyingly about me. Charan and I still have the best time together. Only now, I also talk to my in-laws daily since I have grown really fond of them. My wedding day was like a beautiful dream; a dream I don’t wish to forget for many years to come. I hope my marriage continues the same way. So far so good! J